Step Parents Can Often Discover That It Is Hard When Faced With Sharing Authority

Step parenting often brings its own particular difficulties as the new step parent finds himself or herself caught in the middle between the biological parent and the children. Precisely how much difficulty you may run into depends upon a whole variety of factors, the most important of which will be the degree of co-operation you get from the biological parent and the ages of the children involved.

The best parenting advice and the key to successful step parenting will be found first in clearly establishing your role in the eyes of the biological parent because you are certainly going to have an uphill battle if the two of you are not completely in agreement from the beginning. With any changes in a relationship however you must also appreciate that adjustment takes time and you need to adopt a 'step by step' approach. Any attempt to rush things, or to force the situation, will definitely lead to frustration if not conflict. The biological parent may well feel threatened by the requirement to share parenting and will have to have time to adjust and to gain trust and confidence in you as a parent to her or his children.

Next, you will clearly need to establish your role with the children, unless they are quite young, will normally resent the intrusion of an 'outsider'. You will have to take things gradually and understand that the children are going to need time to get used to the situation before they will accept you as a parent. Once again, you will require the assistance of the biological parent in cementing your relationship with the children.

Any successful transition into step parenting must begin with a clear and frank discussion with the biological parent, during which each party have to communicated honestly and freely about how they view their own role, as well as the role of the other party, and you both have to reach a clear agreement on just how you ought to share the responsibilities of parenting. This conversation also has to set clear boundaries but need to be adaptable to allow for modification, especially in the critical initial weeks and months after the establishment of this new relationship.

This initial discussion will not of course be the end of the matter and several such conversations will need to take place before a truly meaningful and lasting change in parenting responsibilities can happen.

Having reached agreement the next step in the process is to get the children on board and this must initially be led by the biological parent. At the right time everyone should sit down together and the biological parent has got to begin a discussion during which the plan which you have agreed can be revealed to the children and then discussed with them.

It is important to emphasize here that this should be a true discussion and not merely a case of the parents 'laying down the law' to the children. It is vitally important that the children add to the conversation and that their views and thoughts on what has been agreed are heard. Children, just like adults, must be permitted to have a sense of control over their own lives and need to be comfortable with the situationthey find themselves in. This does not mean that the children should be given control over the situation, which should remain firmly in the hands of the parents as the ultimate decision makers, but, every effort needs to be made to make sure that they understand the situation and are as happy with it as is possible.

The simple fact that the children are able to see that their parents have clearly considered the position very carefully, and agree about it, will go a long way towards preventing the children from playing one parent off against the other and their inclusion in the process will also assist a great deal in bringing them on board.

Arriving on the scene as a new step parent can be very hard for not only the step parent but for the biological parent and the children and everybody will have to work together carefully and take their time to establish an environment in which everybody can live happily together. Handled with care step parenting is not as difficult as you might think.

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